Well, we did a lot of house work the last few weeks, and if there’s one thing I figured out, it’s that suddenly, I’m having a difficult time getting on and off the floor, lots of aches and pains, and definitely less flexibility. I’ve always been pretty flexible, whether in shape or not. But I’m too young to start this ‘I’m too old for that’ because of my physical limitations. I’m too young to have physical limitations!

So, the housework is still going on, but more like one project at a time. So we should have more time to get back into a routine of exercise. Problem is, when you get out of a routine, it’s so easy to excuse away every attempt. For instance, I was planning on going to the gym tonight, but i’m home sick right now, and have no desire to go do a workout, now, or later. But here are a few reasons I need to get my butt in shape:

1. I’m having hormone problems. This is not only affecting my chances of getting pregnant, but also is putting me at risk for some breast problems, including cancer. I’ve had some scares the last six months, and I’m not convinced I’m out of the woods. I’ve been experiencing a lot of pain on one side. One of the biggest things I need to do is limit the amount of estrogenic products and foods I’m exposing myself to. I can expound on that later. But the other thing I need to do is get my weight down. My body is estrogen dominant, so it hangs on to too high of a level of estrogen throughout my monthly cycle, when it’s supposed to fluctuate. Estrogen is fat-loving. I don’t understand it well, so I don’t really know which came first, like the chicken and the egg: does the increased fat increase the amount of estrogen because it likes to stick to it, or does the high level of estrogen make it hard to lose fat because it’s holding on to it?  I believe excess fat can actually increase levels of estrogen. I need to do more homework. Nonetheless…I feel that even specifically the weight in my chest is increasing my issues, and that’s the last place I usually gain, so the fact that I’m at the weight I am now is increasing my weight where I’d like to say is a GREAT place, is also probably increasing the fatty tissue that fibroids like to form in.

2. I have a wedding to get in shape for! My sister in law is getting married in November, and she’s asked me to be a bridesmaid along with her sister and another friend. Sure, I’ve tried to get in shape for other weddings…including my own!  But, here’s the great thing. I have 6 months to get in good shape. Andy’s in the wedding, too, so we both have some incentive. I don’t want to spend money on a gown at the size I am now. It’s just insult to injury! (Not from Mandi, I just mean I dislike buying clothes when I’m not happy that I can’t fit into my own. And I want to be excited to buy the dress!  Not all bridesmaids get the opportunity to choose their own dress, so I want this to be fun!).  Sure, if I do manage to get pregnant before then, I’ll have to curtail the weight loss…but that will be fine!  I’ll still work on getting in shape!

3. I want to finally get fit, having fun doing it. Yes, I have a weight loss goal. But I’m going to tackle it in a fun way. No exercising because I have to. I’m going to get limbered up and get back into my old favorite, kickboxing. If anyone is a member of 24 Hour Fitness, and enjoys kickboxing, I could use a workout buddy!  It’s always more fun to go to a class when you know a friend will be there. Andy’s going to get back on his bicycle. I may, too.  Anyway. I want to be active. None of this getting old too soon for me. It’s time to get off my butt! (and lose it!).

So…hey, next post, I promise, won’t be about health. Maybe it will be about cupcakes. Did you know my mom and I are about to start a cupcake business?  Talk amongst yourselves.

Well, we tried again to get back on track, but I didn’t blog about it, because I kind of wanted to start to have secret success…hopefully not another secret failure. Anyway, Andy and I invested in gym memberships, with a few training sessions, and bodybuggs…yeah, we put money into it.  And we got going with fervor!  And we were being more consistent with getting to the gym, even if it was 9pm, counting our calories, and succeeding! Andy lost 10 lbs. quickly, and I lost about 4 lbs, not AS quickly.  But one hectic week hit (kind of two) as we started a few major house projects, because I was hosting a big baby shower, and we wanted to get the house a little further ahead in it’s beautification process.

But in the midst of that OUR beautification process got derailed. Our diets crashed because we were so busy and short on time, we were eating out a bunch, and not taking the time to check the calories. And I was baking a lot for that shower, so I was eating a bunch of sugar…Anyway, we also got off the momentum we had going at the gym.

Now, a month later, we’re still struggling to find that momentum. And we’re about to have even more to do with the house…because we’re putting it on the market!  Woohoo! Not really excited about that part…but we are excited about the house we are trying to purchase. We have the opportunity to buy my grandmother’s house, which is incredible.  It’s going to take a while to make it our style, but it’s a great sized house to be content in for a long time, with plenty of room for entertaining, and room for a growing family (don’t jump to conclusions), and for my business. It will also take a while to transition, as it is still choc full of my grandmother’s belongings, and she is still very present in our lives, so we are working to guard her emotions and wellbeing as we make some tough decisions about her possessions. But we will be rushing to get our house in shape to put on the market as early in April as we can swing…which means 2-3 weeks of CRAZINESS!

…which means 2-3 more weeks (at a minimum) of struggling to get back on track. It really does take time to think out your food, and track every bite. Even using awesome technology (my calorie tracker on my iPhone is a huge help), you spend quite a bit of time doing it.  And with one vehicle, we have to BOTH be in the right time frame to make it to the gym.

BUT I’M NOT GIVING UP. It’s a matter of principle…whether for my own health, or for the crapload (woah, Andy just channeled through me!) of money we spent to make us have more accountability…we’re going to get it on track. It may be baby steps as we go through this season. It may simply be committing to make it to the gym at least 2 times a week, even if it’s just for 30 minutes on the eliptical. But it would be something. And something may be all it takes to keep us from crashing and burning yet again.

I firmly believe that accountability has a purpose. And to change the plan, on a whim, just because it’s challenging, is not sticking to anything. We can rationalize our way out of any good purpose if we make changes without limitations.  That’s one reason accountability is so important. An accountability partner is SUPPOSED to hold you accountable to the original plan, if reasonable.  Problem is, often, our original plan is often unreachable, because we made it when we were desperately frustrated.  So, often the plan is really too lofty, or unrealistic, and sometimes downright unhealthy.  I’m getting to my story, I promise. But, regarding accountability, there should be some give and take, if we’re truly on a HEALTH journey together, not a journey toward physical, material beauty, because often the HEALTH journey is a learning process, and requires adjustment to our plan because it’s not just a short-term goal, but rather a LIFETIME process, right?

Well, I believe the NUMBER goals I had set for myself were possible, but for me, I’ve been failing left and right, and even when I was faithful, was finding no success. It’s been harder for me than it ever has been. Possibly from the miscarriage screwing up my hormones even more than they already were…though maybe that’s just my excuse!  (The miscarriage part, not the hormones….actually the hormones are a key player, I now know.).  So, simply by not succeeding at my original goals, I have to adjust them, and rather than giving up completely, I believe at least having a goal is important, even if it’s less than I had originally intended.  I don’t believe that’s failure, because even if I gave it my all, my body doesn’t HAVE to respond the way I want it to, and if I’m making a wrong choice in how I try to lose weight, it may actually cause my body to react wrongly.

So details?  I visited a naturopathic doctor last week for the first time ever.  After my miscarriage, I knew things are probably not right in my body, but the bloodwork done by my OB did not give me any further help (rather their interpretation of it was vague and unhelpful, and actually didn’t set right with me).  So, I decided I wanted to go to a doc that would at least take a thorough look at my systems through a wholistic approach before I start going to some infertility specialist. This doctor AMAZED me, and for the first time, I had all the puzzle pieces I’ve ever experienced physically (since childhood), put together into a full picture before me: why I’ve had acne all my life, have such difficulty losing weight, have had cysts, obviously the miscarriage, been increasingly forgetful, and more.  Hormone imbalance.  I haven’t done bloodwork yet, though she has ordered the most comprehensive blood work I’ve ever had, to be done on a certain day of my cycle.  BUT, without even seeing the numbers, she says that my symptoms are a classic picture of estrogen dominance (too much), since childhood, too low levels of progesterone, inability to break down fats (I believe this is also related to the estrogen, and is why I’ve been struggling with my memory), and probably thyroid and testosterone imbalances, too.   She spent 75 minutes with me, looking at EVERYTHING I complained about, explained exactly why the miscarriage happened, and gave me solutions for ALL of it.   I have a prescription for a lot of nutritional supplements, a progesterone cream, and an estrogen blocker, and digestive enzymes to take at every meal to break down fats.  I also was given some nutrition & environmental instructions to follow.  This was all last week, and I haven’t really started implementing everything, as I do need to order stuff, and we had just gone to the grocery store, so we’ll have to really work on the food side of it with a new batch of groceries. Also, I’ve kind of been procrastinating because she said, “These are going to have to be LIFETIME changes, things you’re going to have to do forever, because you’re body has ALWAYS reacted like this, so it always will.”  So, while I realize, a lifetime of dietary habits will probably include occasional splurges and times that it can’t be pefect, but I’m taking stock in how to make permanent changes to my lifestyle.  So I’ve been splurging a bit before I lock into this.

So, what about my goals?  I still have a number in my mind, clothes I want to get into.  I recently told a friend that I want to get back into my wedding gown…and had been thinking I wanted to do it by my anniversary in January.  Now with this new information and bunch of tools in my hand, I’m rethinking the TIMING of my goals. I think that I would like to readjust the priority: time is not the big deal. REACHING the goal, is the big deal, whenever it is. And ultimately, my health is. Too much estrogen causes cysts and tumors…and may be a reason we’re seeing so much breast cancer. I’ve already had cysts in my breasts, and pain (sorry male readers), so I’m scared to death that one day I’m going to find myself with cancer, if I don’t get my hormones in balance.  So, THAT is my new number one goal.

This involves diet changes, as well as environmental.  I’ve been reading more (from Jillian Michael’s Master Your Metabolism book) about all the endocrine disruptors out there: it’s overwhelming (Andy hates when I use the word overwhelming…it’s scary when I’m overwhelmed). Plastics leach BPA into our food and environments, which cause our bodies to create more estrogen.  It even lines the inside of food and beverage cans.  Our public water has pharmaceutical waste that doesn’t get cleaned out by the water treatments, that also have hormones in them.  So, even fixing just the diet isn’t enough.  But that’s primarily where I have to start.  The biggies: organic food, especially meat and dairy, no soy products, no heating food in plastic in the microwave, and no parabens in my skin/hair care stuff.

So my goals: to get adjusted with this diet plan. That’s it. I also need to get the exercise in, so I will readjust with that, as well. I think I’ll stick with the 20 min/day plan, but I’m going to give myself a couple weeks before I hit that hard, because, oh, I forgot to mention: Andy quit his job. Starting next week, I’ll be working 40-hours/week again, and trying to keep my side business running on the side.  So we have some stuff to sort out, and a new schedule to adjust to. I’ll keep you posted on that.

But for now, think about the long term with me. Let’s not make panicked plans to achieve something impossible for the wrong reasons. Not that we have…but if you’ve fallen off the bandwagon like I have, let’s get back on track somehow. What are you wanting to accomplish?  Talk to me.

Thank you, Jodi, and Marina, for speaking up and reminding me today/yesterday.  Thank you, Mary, for speaking from your honesty last night at Girl Time.  I had to laugh, as I was sitting with Kayla, and said, “she told me she wasn’t going to let more than a day go between workouts “, but desperately needing to be reminded, as you were, that the physical exercise isn’t the priority, though it is good and important.  But some days, even if it’s just not working your way, and even when you WANT to exercise, it’s not happening…what you NEED is the Lord.  God is not to be our ‘top priority’, but rather EVERYTHING…Whom EVERYTHING centers around…Who is to be in EVERYTHING we do.   Such a healthy perspective.  So, girls, if you’re discouraged, as I am, lets get our lens focused here, and get refreshed.  We’ll do what we CAN, and surrender the rest.  If we spend what remaining energy we have on WORRYING about what we DIDN’T get done, we are missing the point entirely.  So, let’s #1: let His praise continually be on our tongues, and #2: celebrate what we DID get done.

It has been a few days since I worked out last. I decided to tackle this ceiling project (which even now is probably about half-way or slightly less done), on a weekend when I should have been doing my bills, getting to the grocery store, cleaning the house, going to the bank to open a business account, winterizing my roses before we dip into another freeze, cleaning up the nasty yard, and getting ready for the out of town guests who are coming Friday.  Wasn’t thinking about the fact that we’d have rehearsal Sunday evening, an unexpected visitor from out of town Sunday afternoon, be at service for both services so Andy could fill in at the coffee bar (and hence, I got drafted to assist with worship team), an impromptu date with Andy Saturday night, Girl time last night, and then only 3 evenings to get all the other stuff accomplished before our company comes in town…then we’ll have them here Friday through Sunday afternoon, Bible Study Sunday evening, and then we’re having friends for dinner Monday night that we’ve been trying to have over for, mmm…probably since we moved into our house over a year ago, so even though it’s at the end of a very busy weekend, we’ll take it!  Wow…I’ve been trying to keep my to-do list straight in my head, but now seeing it written stresses me out even more!  FYI, on top of all that, yesterday, I went in to work early so I could get off early, so we could go sell the Honda, before going to Girl Time at 5:30.  I ended up working an extra half an hour, and didn’t have time to take a lunch, so I grabbed Taco Bell (not so good, but OH SO GOOD!).  And we didn’t get home until after 10:30 from Girl Time. Today, I slept in a little (hey, sleep is as important as exercise, and I’m not just saying that as an excuse), then went to work, then home to make a grocery list, to the store, back to make dinner and then to work more on the ceiling so I can get the bulk of the mess it has left EVERYWHERE cleaned up (actually, another reason I haven’t worked out: all my tools and cut up ceiling tiles have been in my workout space and everywhere else).  Aaagh. Enough justification. Suffice it to say, I’ve not had a lot of down time this weekend/week.

BUT, it’s no excuse to not keep working at it all, and that is was I want to encourage you with. I don’t know if I can do the exercise, at least over the weekend.  I will try to get in 20 minutes tomorrow and Thursday, but I’m not going to beat myself up about it if I don’t. And my food goal is going to be not to overeat, and keep the indulgences moderate (while we have our visitors, that is…until then, going to do things weight watcher style, though I may not take time to count points, just stick to the foods I usually eat when I AM counting points.)  So you can definitely hold me accountable with my food choices.  As they say on The Biggest Loser when they have an injured contestant, if you can’t exercise, your nutrition has to be spot on.  I’ll do what I can!  Which leads me to need to confess that not only did I eat Taco Bell yesterday, but at Girl Time, the ONLY thing I ate was dessert!  I DID have a tiny bit of rhyme and reason, which I’ll not delve into here, but it gave me an upset stomach and MORE, so I did pay the price. So, yeah, gotta get the nutrition back on track!

Mostly I just want to say that keeping an intentional mindset is crucial. I have a tendency to throw in the towel completely when I have a week like this, and plan to “start over” next week.  I end up eating WAY over, because I figure I’ll try again next week, so I’ll just not care this week.  And that is how progressively you put on 10 lbs in 6 months. So, if you’re having a really busy couple weeks, like I am, recognizing that we aren’t even into the thick of the busiest season of the year, yet, definitely don’t stray from your commitments: we need to set goals and stick to them.  BUT, when it’s just not happening, despite your best intention, go to God first, and then control what you CAN control. And keep talking about it.  It’s when you shy away, hiding from your accountability, that it gets forgotten!

I’m learning: if you fail to plan, you plan to fail. Plain and simple. If you don’t think ahead, plan when you’re going to workout, plan what you’re going to eat, you’ll forget to workout until you’re too tired, and you’ll eat something bad for you or too much when you’ve gotten too hungry.

I wish I had more words of wisdom for tonight. I had been thinking of a few earlier, but now my brain is shutting down!  Let’s do something together tomorrow: Let’s drink more water. Maybe avoid soda or something.  I’ll have my cup of decaf coffee in the morning, but I’m going to try to drink water instead of anything else the rest of the day.  I’m notoriously a non-water drinker. ;(  Need to improve that!

Diet has been so-so…no major catastrophe’s.  But not good enough to lose. And following the hormone regulating diet hasn’t been as easy as you think it will.  Not that it’s unbelievably rigid.  But I’m finding it difficult to do a few of the things that are really the main things in my regular diet that need to change in order to follow it.  That made no sense!

I’ve also been having that normal female cycle interferences, so I’ve had next to no motivation for exercise. It’s been a couple days.  Not gonna lie. And I’m heading to bed now.

BUT I’m working out tomorrow. Check me on it!

Admitting the struggle is step one. What one thing are you going to do tomorrow that is different than today to make it better?

FYI, I didn’t start my extra stringent diet effort, yet, for circumstances that took lunch way out of my realm of control. So, things are ready for tomorrow. I will also be working out in the morning, and I do not know if I’ll have a chance to post any updates until Saturday.  Make your actions purposeful tomorrow (and tonight, if you’re tempted to snack!).  Love ya.

Oh, and try to get a little extra sleep if you can.  That’s probably as important (if not more than) as exercise.

Day one of 30 Day Shred.  Sore from last night’s workout.

But today I got asked if I was pregnant. Granted, I was wearing a long shirt, but I don’t believe I actually looked pregnant.  But to an old lady who wouldn’t have worn a top like that unless she were pregnant, I guess it symbolized pregnancy to her.  She then said, “Well, you look cute! You should be pregnant!”  Okay!

I also wore my stirrup pants.  I felt cute today.

Tweaking my diet for two weeks starting tomorrow, to see if the hormone balancing act is something I can do nutritionally to jumpstart my metabolism, which is pretty much off the rail right now. I need to get it chugging along, and maybe see if it helps other things in my system to work better.  Mmm…maybe even stop my skin from breaking out?  Wouldn’t it be nice…but I’ve dared to dream on that one since 4th grade!  Fortunately they only really make me self-conscious every now and then any more.   Aaah…but that isn’t why you got on to read my blog today. I digress.

Love you, friends.  Keep up the good work.

Hey, also, for snacks…Try an orange and a handful of walnuts or almonds.  Low glycemic fruit (I think), loaded with vit C, and all the good stuff in those nuts.  It’s what I’ll have on hand tomorrow. OOOOOH…and here’s an Angie tip. Now is a good time of year to find Valencia oranges…they are way juicier (the best for making fresh OJ, which is not really my recommendation for trying to lose weight), and sweeter than navel oranges (less tart).  If you’ve never purposefully tried one, DO IT.

The Good: I worked out!

The Bad: it was 20  minutes, not 40.

The Good: It was one of my new Jillian Michaels workouts…not the shred yet, but the metabolism burning one. Thought I’d do the whole 40 minutes, but after 20 min, I knew I needed to work up to this. I’m more out of shape than I think I am.   And already, my legs feel like spaghetti, so I think it was a wise move.

The Bad: I’m a little bummed, though I shouldn’t be surprised, that there are a lot of risky moves for my easily dislocating knees in this workout. Don’t know how, but kickboxing is usually pretty tame for my knees, but full on plyometric jumps that require 180′s in the air do not offer me the promise that I’m going to land with my foot and knee going the same direction. You use your imagination for the rest. If there is one thing that I DO NOT EVER WANT TO DO AGAIN IN MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE is to dislocate my knees. I squirm at the thought.

(Sidenote…that would be another reason I often do not work out…fear of injury. See last post for other reasons.)

The Good: I didn’t eat horrible.

The Bad: I didn’t eat awesome. Haven’t been to the store yet this week, and we’re eating out a bunch….my choices have been less than stellar.

The Good: I am starting to incorporate Jillian Michael’s 2-week diet from her Master Your Metabolism book into my weight watcher plan, effective tomorrow. I’m excited to read the book…looks packed with interesting info that is more than most generic weight loss books.

The Bad: I have to get to sleep…so no more blog for tonight ;(  Love ya!

2. I did not work out today. This should not be acceptable. My reasons: Barely a moment at home. I went to work a little late, but it was because we are having some serious marital discussions about some MAJOR decisions we are making. So no workout then. Came home for about 30 minutes, before going back out with Andy to get dinner, and go shopping. Shopping for what? I’ll tell you in a minute. We just got home, and I have a TON of housework that needs to be tended to, and it’s already almost 10 pm. So, accountability partners, here’s my plan: tomorrow, I’m doing a 40 minutes kickboxing workout, as opposed to the 20 minutes. Now, if I don’t do that, you really need to remind me what our goal is.

So, for the shopping? Well, despite my determination to lose weight so as to not have to buy a whole new wardrobe, I had a very discouraging day yesterday (and Friday and Saturday, too). Granted a lot of my clothes are in the laundry, but I had the most depressing time trying to find something to wear. Switching to fall clothing is not good, as I think I’ve grown out of much of my fall wardrobe. I only own 2 pairs of jeans, and one now has holes in a not-trendy location, so I’m down to one pair. And they’re not good looking any more. And all of my sweaters and long sleeve shirts are getting too short because I’ve gotten wide enough that they do nothing but ride up my sides. Now, I truly don’t care if I look like a fashion bug when I’m going to be on stage at church, but I don’t want to look like I’m trying too hard either…and I definitely don’t want to be up there pulling on my clothes the whole time, because that will send the message that I’m too worried about how I look, or at least that I’m uncomfortable.

So….after much deliberation, we decided to go get a few things. I’d like to have a lot more pairs of jeans, but because I’m GOING TO LOSE WEIGHT, I only bought one pair (Old Navy, so not too overpriced), and I bought something I vowed I would never buy after the eighties ended: stirrup pants!!

Anyway, I got some shirts and a sweater and a couple dresses to wear over leggings or jeans. And I plan to get a couple pairs of shoes tomorrow hopefully. I figure, I’m not doing my self-esteem any good to be frustrated every day that I get dressed, and the only thing that I won’t be able to wear even when I loose the weight is the pair of jeans. So that is what we were doing tonight.

To follow up my question: Why don’t we work out? Good answers, Jodi

My answers:

1. If I have to work out between outings as my only time available, I really don’t want to get sweaty and have to redo everything.

2. I didn’t get enough sleep the night before to make it happen before work.

3. It’s too late in the evening.

4. I’ll wake up Andy if I have to go in and rummage for workout clothes after I get home from work, but it’s before he’s awake. (Um, plan ahead, Angie!)

5. I don’t like it. Even though I always feel good afterwards.

6. I feel really comfortable, and don’t feel like getting uncomfortable. It’s called laziness.

7. The only workout I’ve ever REALLY loved, is turbo-kickboxing at 24 Hour Fitness. But I can’t afford the membership there only to go for classes…and I end up not going to the classes because they are at inconvenient times. If they would offer one before work, I’d get up early enough to go, absolutely. It’s worth it. Oh well….the videos are only half as fun.

Anyway, sorry for my two day absence, and my unfortunate performance. But I’m not done, not giving up. Thanks for sticking in it with me! Let’s do what we need to do tomorrow!