Clarification…an art of communication

Alrighty! So, I’ve gotten a solid handful of responses from people who either want to join me in my quest, or have helpful tips and encouragement. Thank you! I’ll do some communique below regarding what our accountability plan may be, but first, I definitely have a little clarification to do.

To my dear friend, Megan: thank you for being exactly on the right track! I heartily agree with you about not obsessing about a number, and I want to share that I believe that our beauty does not come from being a certain size or shape. I’ve spent many years communicating with teenagers and other women about the lies the world tells us about the importance of physical beauty, and how physical beauty as defined by the world is fickle and always changing. God created nothing imperfectly, and He finds no blemish in us (I’m not saying that He doesn’t see when we sin or know the errors our human hearts lead us to make…but our outward appearance is not primary to him). I do, however, believe that a Proverbs 31 woman takes care of her physical being–in proportion to her eternal spiritual being. But how she does that, is certainly not in a way that chases every fashion fad and she does NOT base her self esteem on her weight or her skin tone or the size of her nose. Charm is deceitful and beauty is fleeting (vain)….

I will not lie to you and tell you that I don’t struggle to keep that balance, and I don’t think I have to be the model of perfect balance to be able to effectively minister the concept…but I do have to be very careful to not send mixed messages (as many mothers do to their daughters when they tell them they’re beautiful, but are seen telling themselves negative things in the mirror). Weight is a tricky thing, because, while it is not a definition of beauty, it can be an indicator for health risks. Even saying that can lead to prejudice and a mindset that all overweight people are unhealthy…how risky and unfair to make that assumption at first glance.

I’ve truly never been more happy and content with my physical beauty as I have been the last few years…at some of my highest weights. Yes, it’s partly because I found someone who loves me so much, and is physically attracted to me…even the parts that I thought were too big. He would be worried if my butt got TOO small…gotta love him!! (This leads me to say unequivocally say that if the guy you’re dating isn’t absolutely attracted to you, it could be a red flag. You MUST be his definition of beauty. Check out Mark Driscoll’s Peasant Princess sermons for more on that topic!) I’ve not been paying too close of attention to the scale…I don’t even own one. I have purely wanted to be healthy, and I have known that I’m above the scale of that healthy BMI that reduces risks for diabetes and other degenerative conditions. I also know that when I’m watching my weight, I help my husband to be more careful with his…reason being: I work with individuals who are dying and miserable from conditions entirely preventable, especially diabetes–a root cause to even cardiac conditions.

Again…don’t want to tell an impartial tale: I can’t fit into most of my clothes, and that is purely frustrating, and it’s hard to not care about your appearance if you’re tugging on your uncomfortable clothes all day, and I don’t have enough money to buy a whole new wardrobe at a new size. So, sure, I have a little flesh involved in my desires.

My overall goal is pure healthiness. I’m generally not obsessed to get to a specific number, and if you are, you are at risk for low self-esteem, and possibly eating disorders and obsessive-compulsiveness. I am hoping for a certain range, and for the sake of staying in that range, I’m shooting for a number so that I have a concrete goal (actually something you have to do in Weight Watchers, but you do get to choose what is healthy for you). Numbers are concrete measurement for goal attainment. But they are not a definition of me. I promise to not get hung up…any downward progress would be awesome at this point.

And, again, for the sake of fertility, women get pregnant all the time at a higher weight, this is true. However, when you are stuggling to get pregnant, one thing that can assist with reducing infertility is reducing your body weight by at least 7% if you are overweight. There is a specific BMI range that is considered most fertile. My weight may not be THE thing keeping me from getting pregnant, but it is certainly a factor I can assist to control, before resorting to expensive methods and drugs…

AS FOR ACCOUNTABILITY…

I got many offers and interests! So, I’m thinking we should maybe check in with each other here. I don’t presume to have time to call a list of people, as much as I want to be that personal. But I can hop on the computer, let you know if I worked out for the day, and you can comment if you did or didn’t, and we can dialogue about what needs to happen to keep on track. Since diet is a hard thing to make everyone do one way (as is exercise), let’s certainly be honest if we’re holding to our plans, and we can talk about healthy options. Simply because it is lowfat, doesn’t mean it is healthy….And if daily exercise isn’t realistic, at least shoot for 3 days. Let me know what your plan is, and I’ll do my best to ask you how it is going! For time’s sake, let’s try to stay in touch on the blog, rather than Facebook, otherwise I’ll be commenting all over the internet, and will likely fail…I’m a master at not responding to comments or emails on Facebook. I will post nightly before I go to bed. You can let me know that night, or in the morning at your convenience whether or not you did whatever you set out to do that day with your nutrition plan or exercise routine.

BTW, I haven’t worked out yet, but I plan to do 20 minutes of Turbo Jam tonight, or I’ll go for a walk with my husband. I’ll let you know what I do.

You ladies (and guys if you’re interested also) are beautiful. Now. If you’re trying to reach a goal because you don’t think you’re beautiful at the number you are now…we should talk in person. You got some ’splaining to do, Lucy. I’ll set you straight. Thanks, Megan, for your beautiful comment

Accountability requested!!

So, I think I’ve written before about my attempts to lose weight. I’m not going to go into any saga, or woe-is-me here, but suffice it to say, I’ve struggled to get on track. Over and over again. Every time I’ve been on track, I’ve lost my way. The last time was after the miscarriage. I had been doing Weight Watchers when I got pregnant. Then I skipped a couple weeks because I knew WW doesn’t allow prego women to be there (law suits all over if they’re recommended to lose weight while pregnant…even though overweight women shouldn’t GAIN as much weight, especially early on…). Then I went to the doc for my first visit, and she gave me a doctor’s order to continue on WW in the maintenance plan, so that I could keep a close eye on my weight, and not gain much my first trimester at least. Cool. The next day, I had a miscarriage. Not cool.

Then I craved nothing but fried food for about a week! I let myself not care, because, gosh darnit, it was a sucky week! Pardon my French. After that, I tried to get motivated again (easily getting off the fried food kick), but STRUGGLED. I’ve bounced back and forth with my committment to lose weight, partially because I think my hormones were definitely a little out of whack for a little while; partially because I’ve been afraid to lose weight if I GOT pregnant, because my sister has instilled the fear of God into me that my baby will have negative neurological development if I lose any weight in pregnancy (she’s a dietitian); also partially because some weeks I don’t care; also partially because I have also been trying to eat natural foods, which is healthy, but difficult to reduce to the low calorie level I need to actually lose weight.

Forget about exercise. I signed up to do a 3-month walking challenge with co-workers. Flopped on month two. Feeling really guilty about the water bottle I was given for something the team achieved…

All this to say…it’s been 5 months since the miscarriage, and I’ve gained 10 lbs since my last weigh in. And I’m sick of being uncomfortable  in EVERYTHING I wear (which is very limited now since I can’t fit into the majority of my wardrobe).  So I’ve decided I’m not going to be half-way about my need to lose weight any more. I’m going to try to do it with as whole of foods as possible, organic and whatnot. Hoping not to break the bank. But I figure, I’m going to give myself 2 or 3 months of strong effort to lose weight before I get aggressive about trying to get pregnant again. Number one reason why? Even if I get pregnant next week, I will start out my pregnancy overweight, which makes it more difficult to manage the proper weight gain DURING pregnancy, and makes it more likely that it won’t all come off AFTER the pregnancy. Plus, I REALLY want to get into some of my awesome skinny pants before I get pregnant and can’t even dream of trying to get into them for 9 months or more.

So I started Weight Watchers again last week. Weighed in today: Lost .2 lbs. What???? I worked hard to eat right. No, I didn’t exercise. No, I wasn’t perfect. No, I didn’t drink enough water. But only .2???? Ick.

But, I’m not going to quit. So I thought I’d ask if anyone else needs to lose some weight, too? Or just needs to get on an exercise regime? I need accountability partners. Anyone want to be online exercise buddies? Here’s my plan:

1. I’m doing Weight Watchers for at least 2 months. If you want to do that, it’s your call. Choose whatever plan you want. I’m going to attempt to pull it off without going processed and fat free. We’ll see how it goes.

2. I’m planning to work out 20 minutes a day. That’s it. No more. Unless I get crazy. But I’m not setting a ridiculously high goal that I won’t reach. I’m tempted to say only a few days a week…but seriously?  If I can’t fit in 20 MINUTES….that’s silly. But here’s the deal…it’s not going to be effective if the 20 minutes isn’t intense. So I’m talking 20 minutes of kickboxing or high energy dance/aerobics, or circuit training. I just ordered Jillian Michaels’ 30-day Shred, and 2 other videos of hers. I also love Turbo Jam, and I have some Zumba DVD’s. If the weather is TOO nice to justify staying inside for a workout, I’ll count a fast-paced walk as my daily exercise. If I have time, I hope to do a few longer workouts every now and then, but I’m COMMITTING to 20 minutes. Anyone else want to commit to that with me?

3. I’m also going to read Jillian Michaels’ Master Your Metabolism book. I’ve heard good things about it, and I feel like the info about hormones/metabolism may also be important for my fertility concerns. (Sorry if the word fertility grosses you out).

My goals:

I would LOVE to lose 30 lbs by Christmas. Maybe even more if I hit a stride. Concretely, I want to fit into my favorite jeans, or even get into one of the adorable pairs of pants I bought just prior to starting the slow gain I began prior to meeting Andy:

So, shoot me a comment if you want to set a goal and join me. I’m going to try it either way, and hopefully by telling you, I’ll at least be accountable to the knowledge that you all know….